The Ups and Downs of Life

For some reason when it rains it pours for me. Life at the Watts house is a complete roller coaster. For the record, I did warn my husband before we got married that I am bad luck.

First I must say that over the past couple of months I have began to view life a little different. Kind of like a mid-life-crisis I guess you could say. Most of what has changed in me, though, is due to me realizing that I take way too much for granted.

As a wife, mother, and daughter....I am a changed woman.

#1 Everything that has happened with my mom and especially the first night in the hospital gave me a glimpse of life without her. I felt very helpless yet so very hopeful that she would be okay. For some reason I always have pictured the rest of my life with my mom in it. She is Dr. Mom to me and has an answer to EVERYTHING. There isn't one question that I have asked her that she has actually said "I don't know." These days she is my BEST FRIEND. She is what I hope to become to my children. I would have never said that growing up because I was very immature...but really every single time life kicks our family when we are down......she is the first to start picking up pieces and telling my sisters what they need to do next. Being with my sisters sitting around her hospital bed really terrified me.

I just kept thinking that life is a blur, like it really isn't happening.

#2 We have so much going on in life and sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. I like to stay busy and my kids do so much better with that pace, but it seems I am missing the little things that you cherish as a mother. We are usually trying to beat the clock to even make it to bed at night. Sleep is rare for me but that is a sacrifice all of us mothers make.....lately I take the extra time to rock Aynslee for a while and pat her bum. She is on her second round of antibiotics for her ear infections that her teething isn't helping (nights are long). The other night I put her in bed with me and she always thinks that it is play time and she would put her nose to mine and say "MOM" and I would open my eyes and she would giggle so hard that it would make me laugh too. I let this go on for a couple of hours just to hear her laugh and spend quality time with her!

#3 Just today I recieved yet a second D & C due to experiencing some complications. Still felt very tired, breasts still sore, peeing at night, the nasty "pregnant lump" in my throat (this to me is the nausiating part of pregnancy", the intermittent episodes of some serious bleeding, and last but not least not losing the weight and it has been almost 2 1/2 weeks!!! They did, however, remove some more placenta and a blood clot that was attached to it. When they gave me a pregnancy test before the procedure and it came out positive. WHAT!?! No wonder I still had symptoms.......I actually thought I was crazy.

I am over the emotional part of losing one.....and now to the bitter I just want this over part.

So technically I have felt pregnant for about four months, and just now am starting to feel "normal".

#4 All in all I believe these life changing experiences taught me some very good lessons of life. It has made me a better mother and working on the better wife thing ( my poor poor husband!) I definately stopped stressing over stupid little things and learn to enjoy life. You only take memories with you in life....not nice cars, big houses, name brand clothes.

Just memories that you create with family and the people you surround yourself with in life!!

It is okay if I leave the dishes in the sink, clothes in the dryer, beds unmade, toilets not scrubbed.........just to have a snuggle party with my 3 beautiful miracles and my ever so patient with me husband!

I have always been a believer in "things happen for a reason" so I have taken it to heart and learning......still..... every day.